Die Bärliner - The Bard College Berlin Student Blog

Just an Expression



Pollock

“Convergence” by Jackson Pollock, 1952 (credit: WikiArt.)

Just an Expression

 

I wish I could draw:

Give form to my thoughts

Relinquish all the chaos of my imagination

onto a page

for another’s to make sense of

 

I wish I could tap that

boom

bang

clang

The fount of liquid fireworks inside my head

Let drip their colours into

paintings or sketches

Order the obstinate mercury into expression

I wish my fingers would obey

I wish that they could guide

and form

and shape:

I wish that they could squeeze all the world

into the tip of a pencil

the hairs of a paintbrush,

Then use it to

Create

 

But my fingers don’t obey

I think we miscommunicate

My attempts at “art” resemble those

I made in 7th grade

If anything, they’ve regressed

I ask my hands to listen

but they protest

 

So: I wish I could sing

Let the Within

be

Without

 

Let my body be an instrument to my soul

Reverberating with raw humanity

transmitting through the very air

that envelops us each

a song so sweet

it leaves you empty

 

But my voice sits in my mouth like rancid honey

it’s taste far from that of a melody

 

So: I wish I could write

stories so beautiful, poems so wonderful,

they move a reader to tears

 

I wish I could weave

characters’ destinies

into one flawless tapestry

make effective use of hyperbole,

metaphor,

and simile

Know how to turn a story on its head

While still fulfilling a hazily defined

artistic duty

 

But my whole being itches with frustration

at my ineptitude for creation

It’s like trying to find the words

to a language I’m only just beginning to learn

 

I wish to learn

 

I wish for my pen to be my brush,

for my soul to be my ink,

and my words to be my voice

As I attempt to order the chaos

of my imagination

into transmittable form

 

I need not impress

but wish only to express


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