Where I come from, I’m the devil’s incarnation
The fallen woman
You see, there’s always a dichotomy at play:
The sinner, not the saint.
The whore and the prostitute.
I am the one without a hymen
The one mothers spend lifetimes
protecting their daughters from becoming.
Even by cutting off their clitoris
By subjecting them to a lifetime of neurosis
And depriving them of sexual pleasure
Of their natural ‘birth-right’.
Their birth was a catastrophe
For they lacked a cock
Dangling between fleshy thighs
I am the adulterous. The mistress.
The one who says fucking and not making love.
The one who is unabashed.
“Have you no shame?” they ask in disgust and disbelief
“No.” I say in front of my people.
Those who condemned me
To a lifelong of oppression
And if they could, they would stone me
Scornful laughter and feet stomping
on the jagged streets of Cairo.
“What a whore… She deserves even more.
We pray to Allah that she rots in hell”
The noises pierce through my damaged body
My cracked bones and open skull
My protruding eye
I broke out of society’s contours.
Dictating, policing, destroying, desiring and fearing my body.
Am I a fallen woman because I experienced my sexuality?
Or is it because I dared derive pleasure from it?
Perhaps because they couldn’t detect a trace of shame.
Of regret. Of loss.
They believe a woman gives herself up during sex.
For me, it’s a process of mutual transaction: I give and take pleasure.
Never saw it as a form of sacrifice.
Never sensed a lack upon fucking.
And never did I ‘value’ myself less, because a membrane is gone.
I have inked my body and ripped through many skin tissues.
No one seemed to mind when the scars were red and visible on my arms.
The only wound they saw in me was me: The opening between my thighs.
My vagina. I was my vagina and they saw me as colonized by a foreign invasion that they needed to revolt against.
I am the enemy now.
I am a dangerous force to my home.
I’m calling for sexual-liberation and empowerment. But both the women and men fear me.
Or despise me.
I have been condemned to death by stoning.
Come and enjoy the spectacle tomorrow in the main square.